Episode 27: Play Session 2, "The Brit"
Heyyyy! So this episode contains the audio of when I hit a shame boundary! Here’s the first cyber play session with “The Brit” which involved video, and also EXTREME self consciousness on my end… I had to turn on all the lights in my room (blegh overhead lighting) so that I was illuminated enough for him to see me on his end and that shit made me very, very uncomfortable. I didn’t feel sexy at all and it was a big mental push to keep going.
The recording covers a range of his attempts to “break me,” something I asked him to do… while he did not break me he did happen to say one thing that fucked my head up good. What was it? I explain at the very end, probably not what you think. Anyway! Because this recording is so instruction-heavy and “The Brit’s” voice is so effectively dominating, I encourage you to take advantage of the low volume of my responses to play along and pretend he’s telling you to do the things he describes and demands — why not??
When this play session ended, my immediate thought was that I would never be able to publish this particular exchange. Within 24 hours I managed to get over that idea and commit to sharing it and maintaining the fearless honesty and vulnerability I believe to be so crucial to this project.
**Many thanks to “Alex” who wrote me and encouraged me to keep taking risks after hearing the recording of the first play exchange, Episode 13.