February 2019
Save me february! February 1, 2019
Yesterday was hell but I kinda brought that on myself with that mention about Chicago setting train tracks on fire to keep things going, and about being on fire myself but hey, lesson learned? Maybe. Anyway! Things got so much worse as the day went on — I wound up having to completely replace the first episode of the podcast (LAUNCHED TODAY) after the participant rescinded their release and it was a mad scramble to say the least. ***Secret to you few folks reading this blurb: a second “QUICKIE” episode of the podcast will be posting later tonight with some real life audio of a sex act. Come and get some. Or cum. Or something.
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The goosebumps, February 2, 2019
Something like relief is finally settling in... I cannot even describe how grateful I am to have finally gone live with the new sex podcast and to feel as though I’m really actively living my dreams. Almost as grateful as I am to be able to sleep in tomorrow! Kidding; seriously I cried yesterday after I posted the second “QUICKIE” episode because it’s all suddenly real and it’s fucking amazing. I wish you could all feel this — FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS NOW PEOPLE. What the fuck are you waiting for??
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Ugh I have to cook that? February 3, 2019
Thank God for the high of Friday night because yesterday shifted into a bloody nightmare. I wound up ordering two full racks of ribs and a 6 lb. pasture-raised pork roast off FreshDirect to comfort myself in the food-crazed crampy hormone blitz that is day one of my period. Of course now the food is here and I have to cook it and ugh what the fuck was I thinking not ordering chips, jerky and chocolate.
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My Brain Belly is stuffed, February 4, 2019
Well I cooked one slab of ribs and ate half of it over the course of the day then woke up this morning with a bellyache. Never eating again. In other news I just took stock of my to-do list and NOTE TO SELF: when you write down vision goals like “doer of many things, success in all areas” are you prepared for the work that comes along? Food for thought. Wait, no more food right now.
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Pigs and sex, February 5, 2019
Happy Chinese New Year! I’ve been preparing for this day all week by stuffing myself with delicious pork ribs, how about you? May the Year of the Pig be fortuitous and yummy for us all. Oh! And the sex podcast is now up on iTunes (still waiting on being available via search but in the meantime use this link and please subscribe!).
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Uhh Comics? February 6, 2019
Yeeesh I got so carried away posting the LONELINESS submissions I forgot to write a blurb! Anyway! In today’s news, my friends are awesome and I’m overbooked again today and I’m really hungry right now. Also I’m taking a Riso comic book class but have no experience with comics so I’m about to leave on a mission to find out what I like so I have something for show and tell tomorrow.
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Mission Renewed, February 7, 2019
I failed in my mission to find a comic that I’m into, mostly because I didn’t do it; I decided instead to attempt a 40-minute nap and do the search today [and really amp up the procrastination pressure]. Sidenote, the 40-minute nap was awful, as all naps less than three hours are, and I felt like death when I got up. Surprise surprise, today I am still sleep-deprived because I’m pulling stunts like that on the reg instead of sleeping for eight hours in one shot.
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Rigger Dreams, February 8, 2019
Comic drama aside, I just got off an IG exchange with a rigger who is one half of a bondage couple that I reached out to about doing a dual interview for the podcast and… they’re into it! I’ve got to get a precursory chat in first, some time early next week, but this is a huge step!! They are already full on out with their private sex stuff because it also carries over into their professional work — a real life unicorn magic couple — I am BEYOND pumped to talk with them.
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Podcast Addiction, February 9, 2019
Is my podcast taking over my life? Maybe definitely — perhaps even a new addiction? I think about it all the time and more and more of my schedule is devoted to it every day. Morning and night I am conducting interviews, recording audio, doing research, pitching people and editing [attempting to at least]. I wake up thinking about new things to do and go to sleep reviewing all the plans and ideas. I fucking love it. And I love fucking… connected?
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It all evens out, February 10, 2019
Did I stay up until 9am doing Skype interviews, video shoot planning and comic book narrative brainstorming? Yes, yes I did. After which I fell asleep, waking up more than 4 hours after my self-imposed deadline of 3pm for this BLURB update so my apologies. Biggest block of sleep in weeks though so even though I’m losing, I’m winning!
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Fuck Off Astroglide, February 11, 2019
Dudes, I just took that Astroglide “orgasm survey” that’s floating around the internet; clearly they’re trying to position their product as a tool to aid in achieving orgasm and all I can say is FUCK OFF. People aren’t failing to reach orgasm because they don’t have the right lube, it’s almost certainly because: their partners are incompetent, a lack of physical chemistry, they are not asking for what they want, they don’t know what they want, or some physical/psychological limitation(s) exist. I mean come on, my partner has a tiny dick and couldn’t find my clit with a map but IF ONLY I HAD THE RIGHT LUBE I would cum?!?!?!?!
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Juicy Porky Delicious, February 12, 2019
I think I’ve lost my will to continue fasting intermittently… Here I am, proud cooker of a 6.5-lb pork roast and suddenly I’m unable to wait the requisite 16 hours before eating. I wake up, I’m hungry, I think about that juicy delicious meat and that’s it, I’m gobbling away. I wonder how this will end — will I just return to the my old routine once I finally finish the last morsel? Or will I exercise incredible self control and freeze the remaining meat thereby getting back to business starting today?
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TERRIFIED, February 13, 2019
On my way soon to go shoot an official crowdfunding campaign. Who am I? This shit makes me real uncomfortable and I couldn’t feel more unprepared or scared to death. Do I have my full pitch memorized? Am I terrified that I will freeze up? Look bloated and tired? That my voice will shake and bely each and every fear? No, yes, yes and yes! I’m toying with the idea of live posting pics of the whole thing so we can feel uncomfortable and marvel at the absurdity together.
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V-Day is VAGINA Day, February 14, 2019
Happy Valentine’s Day bitches! I just posted two new episodes of SEX COMMUNICATION as a gift. Also, the dick pic below… You’re welcome! Personally I find this day to be a waste of time so I’ve always treated it as a self-care day. To that end, I’ve re-featured last year’s Valentine’s post, DIY V-Day (also below) — a call to arms for ladies everywhere to literally take their pleasure into their own hands. V-Day is VAGINA Day don’t you know??? Anyway, lots and lots of masturbation stuff today, enjoy!
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Thank God That’s Over, February 15, 2019
Yesterday was a doozy... A filthy chat exchange with my wannabe sub/cuckhold (are you following along on this sex podcast stuff??); a phone call with a potential collaborator about voyeurism and masturbation; a 3-hour class; grocery shopping; a flurry of texting, emailing and DMing all to schedule new interviews and meetings; and then to top it all off, I upset two of my closest male friends in completely different ways while we were out enjoying a late-night coffee. Dear God, the emotional highs, lows and mediocre plateaus in the middle! I kinda loved every second of it though. Ok clarification, I HATED upsetting my friends — that part was awful — but the whirlwind of the rest of it, that I loved.
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Oops :( February 16, 2019
Here I am nearly 5 hours late, the act of updating this tiny section of the internet far from front of mind as I ran around from commitment to commitment. Well I’m here now with more of the same to report: shit is busy! A lot of people have a lot of things to say about sex and I’m here to capture it all. Till tomorrow…
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Gut Or God, February 17, 2019
I had a weird twinge in my gut about one of today’s meetings but I went ahead and kept my word instead of cancelling. Lo and behold I awoke to the other party breaking our plans due to illness. Is the universe taking care of me or what?
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Even I have boundaries, February 18, 2019
Well I’ve finally been pushed out of my comfort zone while working on the sex podcast. How? Find out Wednesday when I post a piece about exactly that. I’m sure there are normies reading this and thinking, really? Something made you uncomfortable? Yes, yes something really did. I’m still going to go forward with it [of course] but I’m acknowledging the existence of a line where I previously thought there was none.
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The attacks! February 19, 2019
Do you have financial insecurity? Or at least the fear of it? Somehow in all these months post-resignation I have not — until the moments when I suddenly do. And not just a little wave or nagging twinge, oh no, I’m talking about stomach-dropping, panic attack-level, all-consuming monsoons of fright. I’ve been living frugally off my 401k [in case your wondering], but still considering purchasing some items to make the studio where I host interviews and work everyday just a whee bit more hospitable. After 48 full hours of price checking, review reading, measuring and visualizing, I’m sitting here freaking the fuck out and wondering how sane any of this is. And by “any of this” I mean “ANY OF THIS.”
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Trust Is…, February 20, 2019
Such a pure demonstration of trust when you need to send a release form to a sexual partner and they give you an obviously brand-new-email-created-specifically-for-this-request as the contact method for sending said file. Jesus Christ, it’s not like you had your dick in me already or anything.
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BBC Eh? February 21, 2019
This morning someone on Instagram sent me a link to a porn clip [scroll down to see the juicy screenshot]. His screen name suggests he may be involved in the industry, but his feed, not so much. A true mystery is what I’m getting at; did he send it as a friendly recommendation? Or because he’s in it? I mean, his handle includes “…sexy_bbc…” and we all know what BBC stands for right? [BIG BLACK COCK if you are an under-rock dwelling prude.] Anyway! I messaged him my question, still awaiting clarification.
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Friday, Best Day? February 22, 2019
I’m cold and sleepy and busy and waahhhhh… I’m thankful that I’ve generally organized my weeks around resting on Friday’s, except today time I’ve got two different interviews scheduled during this [former] day off. Praying for a nap tomorrow.
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Brianne McGuire, Doer of Questionable things, February 23, 2019
Despite the multitude of commitments, yesterday was quite enjoyable. I had another boundary-pushing exchange with “the Brit” and later a wonderful and honest interview with the former partner who inspired the entire sex podcast project. I also spent some time to quietly meditating on the fact that my utter willingness to put my name on the work I’m doing is a tremendous demonstration of how much I believe in myself. There’s no way to turn back now and I love that. Sorry mom.
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Bruised and questioning, February 24, 2019
Well I have a bruise on the inside of my thigh from my last exchange with “the Brit” and I’m having a [small?] crisis of faith regarding what basket in which to put my focus eggs. I’m not saying the two things are related [unless they are???] but eegads what the fuck. I’ve been praying daily for clarity and confidence and I definitely feel as though I have those things, but somehow it’s not exactly the same as direction… so I’m praying for that now too.
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Idontwannalook, February 25, 2019
Oh fuck I just got a link to the first draft of my crowdfunding campaign video and I’m on the verge of throwing up I’m so scared to watch it. Yes yes, I am sensitive and vulnerable and self conscious and all the things, just like other people! Oooof, at least maybe this will help clarify some things?? REALLY FREAKING OUT!!! I don’t want to watch myself :( I really need an assistant to do this shit for me.
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I wallowed, February 26, 2019
So I went ahead and watched the crowdfunding video draft immediately after writing about how I was freaking out. And then freaked out more; I spent the better part of the day spinning out and seriously tossing around the idea of giving up on the campaign entirely. Eventually I managed to turn it around and used the discomfort as a motivator to clarify my vision and get very granular with the imagery I was craving, at least on paper — I have not yet shared these things with the production crew though they are all lovely people and I have high hopes that in the end it can be great. If not, at least I’ve got this guy as a buddy to help me make a guerilla version if the final “produced” one winds up in the trash.
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I Pivoted, February 27, 2019
First, tomorrow is the last day for STRANGERS submissions [see below] and second, I’m rethinking my whole crowdfunding strategy/timing meaning, I think I’m going to build a new site first and then go from there. I wanted to write, “but maybe not?” after that but it doesn’t feel true so I guess I’m really going to do this. All right then! Who knows some kickass developers that I can hire?
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Sooooooo Close! February 28, 2019
There have been so many milestones over the course of building this site, and right now I’m on the brink of another: 1,000 unique monthly visitors… currently the count is about 916 [!!!]. So, if you’re reading this and you get any pleasure from anything you’ve come across on this site, would you take a minute to share a link with a few friends? Do you have something you’d like me to share for you? Let’s help each other people! ALSO!!! Today is the last day to submit an entry for the STRANGERS project [see button below].