March 2019

Broken Link, March 1, 2019

Did you try to listen to the barebacking episode of the sex podcast yesterday? Like, after I emailed around the link and then blasted on social media? Thank you, and I’m sorry, because it likely didn’t work. There I was, fresh out of the shower and filled with revelations and I thought, Jesus Christ you can’t just post an episode with barebacking and not contextualize why you weren’t using a condom! So I pulled up the my site edit app on my phone and then bing bang boom I also managed to accidentally remove the mp3 file. Thank you to a certain someone for pointing it out!

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“Englishes,” March 2, 2019

Thank you Twitter for connecting me to this fascinating article about how Britain and America no longer “own” the English language. Frankly, it never occurred to me that a language could be owned and now I’m enjoying dreamy thoughts of all the interesting ways a language may evolve as it becomes adopted and used and molded to a time and place. An excerpt from said article:

“Euro English,” with quirks such as the plural “informations,” the overuse of the preposition “of,” or constructs such as “we were five people at the party,” has already been described as a distinct dialect. Left without the supervision of native speakers, it may well develop further down a separate path, just as post-colonial “Englishes” have done in Asia, acquiring more phonetic and lexical peculiarities as well as their own idiomatic wealth.

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Spring? Really? March 3, 2019

I guess I’m on a Twitter kick again because here’s another beauty for all those idiots claiming we’re heading into springy weather just cuz it’s March: winter storm for the Northeast. It’s a hard pill to swallow after another wonderful Caturday and with the sun shining so brightly here in NYC but whatevs, March is the worst.

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Period Brain, March 4, 2019

Again I spaced and missed the update for this area; I have no excuses other than hormones? Thank you again to the gentleman who keeps notifying me of all my fuckups. I’m spaced enough I don’t what else to say. Balls.

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Customer Service Battles, March 5, 2019

I got into an email fight late last night with a company who sent me a partially assembled chair with no assembly instructions. Their solution to me was literally “apply great force” which I did more than a dozen times to no avail. Their response was “well if you don’t want to we can’t make you” — it was a super productive exchange as you can imagine. Despite my frustrations I only used the word “damn” as an expletive and thus really practiced incredible restraint of pen and tongue.

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Maybe Not So Much Restraint, March 6, 2019

Remember yesterday when I was all “I didn’t curse out the customer service peeps so I practiced great restraint of pen and tongue” and shit like that? Yeah well, then I went and sent another email remarking on their snarky comments and “gaslighting nonsense” and then another to their sales team and then a second angry voicemail. So, um, yeah that’s where I am. FedEx is picking that shit up Thursday so my ass is staying in the decades-old Steelcase beast it’s in right now.

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Sick :(, March 7, 2019

I am sick. The most positive thing right now is that FedEx showed up and took that fucking chair away. Staying in bed all day with my snot rags, cats and laptop.

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Let’s Hope I Don’t Have A Sneezing Fit While Recording, March 8, 2019

I’ve been delirious with pain and sickness over the last 48 hours; I can’t even remember the last time I was so out of it but surely it’s been at least a decade. Anyway, off to record the episode intro for today’s podcast since I gave myself all of yesterday to rest.

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The Greatest Network You’ve Never Heard Of, March 9, 2019

I have cable but I pay for Sling TV and every once in a while, a new channel pops up without warning. One such surprise is some heretofore unknown network called Comet. As far as I can tell, it’s awful 70s and 80s horror movies and infomercials on demand. In other words, it’s amazing.

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Ladies Getting Shit Done, March 10, 2019

I read yesterday that the entire U.S. Women’s National Soccer team has filed a lawsuit against the U.S. Soccer Federation for gender discrimination. I’m not an avid soccer fan by any means, but I am a fan of putting bullies in their place. Kudos to these ladies and godspeed. 

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311 Day? For Real? March 11, 2019

311 is still together? I thought they went the way of all shitty bands and just disappeared into the back of minds before slowly disintegrating into unwitnessed dust. But no, apparently there remains a whole legion of fans waiting to celebrate them every year on this day. Do they stay relevant [?] merely because of this day? Is a calendar truly that powerful? I guess it did just remove an hour from most of our lives but still…

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Just Two Girls On The Net I Guess, March 12, 2019

“Girl On The Net,” interview subject of Episode 11 started following me on Twitter today, how nice is that? Me, who takes blurry pictures of restaurants shut down for not paying taxes and fancies herself a budding pornographer.

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And On The 7th Day… March 13, 2019

Today is exactly the 7th day of being sick. Significant improvements have been made but I have a lingering soreness in my left eyeball that aches whenever I move my head and I still require more sleep than usual. There’s also the issue of the phlegm but I’ve been taking 1200mg Mucinex tablets so I feel things are on track there. Am I really taking a long time to recover? Why people be so judgy? I think they’re wrong.

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More Goats, Less Pie, March 14, 2019

Even Vermont’s honorary-only goat mayor is more exciting to me than trying to make March 14th a thing because of pi and pie. Like, how about we make a gluten-free, vegan grilled cheese day? Right? Come on! Priorities these days are shit.

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Steaks And Oral Sex 4 Life, March 15, 2019

Something is wrong with America when I don’t even find out yesterday was also Steak & Blowjob Day until late at night. Am I on the wrong Twitter? Because I learned about it from Instagram and everyone knows all real news is on the Twitter so what the fuck. Anyway, to quote @sitakaylin, “I want steak and head! I hate roses and fauxmance. Give me a filet, a big glass of Cabernet, twenty minutes of magic tongue and I’m good as gold.” Preach on sister! Except for the wine — I’m sober remember? You can just double my meat portion.

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Setting Alarms To Wake Up Late Afternoon, March 16, 2019

I had a spontaneous commitment fall in my lap for today and I nearly overslept for it. The commitment is at 4pm. AND I NEARLY OVERSLEPT. I’m sleeping and sleeping, telling myself, oh that alarm for 1:20pm will get me up. Finally I look at my phone and it’s 2:04pm. That other alarm was set to go off Tuesday. Do other people go through this?

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This Is Still Heartbreaking, March 17, 2019

New Zealand has some real class and I hear their countryside is pretty sweet. Did you see the announcement that they will be covering the costs of the victims funerals? The U.S. does not do that…

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The Sleep Of The Depressed, March 18, 2019

Depression is no joke. I’m in the middle of another bout triggered by getting sick and I want to be asleep every minute I’m not doing something I have to do. Oh did I edit that episode and have 34 minutes before I have to get ready to leave for a commitment? I should take my contacts out and nap on the couch. Two hours randomly between responsibilities? Another nap. It’s impressive and disturbing and mentally uncomfortable.

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Hour 107 Of Self-Sequestration, March 19, 2019

I’ve committed to not leaving the house for the very near future. I will leave at some point of course just not right now. Important moments of isolation, reclusivity and regeneration to be had as I molt within this cocoon of bad feelings. I haven’t started hitting the vegan ice cream yet but it’s only a matter of time.

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The Lure Of Sugar, March 20, 2019

Presumably the self-sequestration ends today as I am set to leave the house in a few hours. Of course that was also to be the case Monday and then I just couldn’t and I cancelled everything at the last minute. Anyway. I have big plans to go grocery shopping in the midst of my evening commitments and that means vegan ice cream and other nibbles. I’ve been eating white rice for many many days. I think the promise of real sugar will pull me from my hidey-hole but it remains to be seen.