November 2019
Always And Forever, November 1, 2019
Deadspin remains top of mind and I am blown away by the news coverage, guerrilla-style media shift to alt-Kinja sites and that even Bernie Sanders has jumped in to tweet his support. In other news, I celebrated Halloween by eating a half batch of brownies and isolating. November take me away.
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The Cucumber, November 2, 2019
I can legitimately say things like “9am IS sleeping in” and mean it. WHO THE FUCK AM I. If I was a meme I’d be the cucumber that scares the shit out of an innocent cat. Because this shit is bananas. I am a night person. I was a night person? Where am I?
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Breakfast Pork, November 3, 2019
There is beauty and joy in cooking a large roast. However when said roast is a fancy schmancy pasture-raised pork roast I find myself eating more meat than is reasonable. Perhaps a full pound? Over the course of just a few hours! Delicious, but worrisome. Also it does a number on my digestive system. Anyway, got to go, breakfast pork is ready.
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Deadspin Update, November 4, 2019
Those presumed-illegal Kinja sites I referenced last week have been officially killed; content scrubbed and replaced with generic and corporate overlord-esque “Notice” posts alerting visitors that all content that violated terms of platform yadda yadda has been removed. Strangely the Editor-in-Chief said Friday “Deadspin no longer employs a single writer or editor.” and yet Deadspin remains on the G/O menu of all its sites and appears to still be generating content. Is this content the remainder of the old staff or generated by some secret slave labor force? Many mysteries remain but the spirit of the old site does not. Deadspin is dead long live Deadspin.
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The Hardest Lessons, November 5, 2019
Some lessons are only learned the hard way; for me those lessons almost always relate to ignoring my instincts. I hear the voice expressing discomfort, I feel the nag of “really?” and yet I manage to convince myself these things are either not relevant in this instance or some form of self sabotage. It’s fucking bonkers and I can say this about myself with conviction because I am again faced with a situation that I foresaw several moons ago and I rationalized it all away. On the plus side, my acceptance of the lesson is happening far ahead of any real disasters. And probably also this whole timeline was necessary for me to be exactly where I am now to begin anew. But still. WTF?!
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Fucking Fuck Fuck, November 6, 2019
There is no quicker way to get on my bad side than to make me repeat myself. Be it in business, casual conversation, intimate relationships, whatever — it is insulting and a waste of my time. Yes I am still wrestling with my rage issues. Today’s specific rage is directed at someone I have foolishly allowed to waste my time for months; someone whom is now adding fuel to my hellfire with requests for information provided repeatedly over many many conversations, emails, documents and weeks. Also I’m really hungry right now which isn’t helping.
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Finally Some Fucking Peace! November 7, 2019
Welcome to my day 1 of not being filled with rage! I feel like a new person and quite grateful to have some peace, especially as the week draws to a close. I’ve even had the headspace to begin considering how I might spend Thanksgiving which will of course be happening separated from family as has been my tradition since leaving school. All I know for sure at this point is that there will be duck — whether it is a duck that I cook or order already prepared at some restaurant in Chinatown remains to be seen. Anyway! Plenty of time left to sweat those details.
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The “No Fucking Shit” Category, November 8, 2019
At least three internet news items that appeared yesterday fall under the “no fucking shit” category. The first is Robyn Crawford revealing that she was in fact romantically involved with Whitney Houston, the second is Donald Trump Jr. went on The View and it was a screaming shitshow, and thirdly, Fader and Vice execs sexually harassed female staff and no one gave a fuck till it started coming out on Twitter. None of these things are surprising. All of these things got ample press coverage. WTF.
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I’M SPEAKING AT SXSW BITCHES!!! November 9, 2019
After being initially cut, I am now an official speaker at SXSW 2020! Late yesterday I received an email informing me that a spot had opened up and asking if I was still interested to which I responded with an immediate and emphatic YES. So here I am! Several months away from something I wanted so fucking bad that is now a reality. I’m still stunned, ridiculously excited, dumbfounded.
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I Feel Bad On The Outside, November 10, 2019
I keep thinking about growing my hair out and it has everything to do with insecurity. I don’t feel “pretty” and this is exacerbated anytime I am at an event and surrounded by females all dolled up. I hate that I have this reaction; I hate that I’m so affected by vanity; I hate that I feel so hideous about my face and body right now. Last night I went to a fancy shindig and it was like being in high school at prom when all the beautiful people are in charge and I’m some troll in the corner. I know the good shit comes from the inside and not the outside but I goddamn, feeling bad on the inside is somehow less viscerally painful than feeling bad on the outside.
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Singles? November 11, 2019
There are so many 1s in today’s date, that means Singles Day or some shit right? How appropriate! Ugh anyway, I’ve got mixed feelings about my solo status; I enjoy my independence of course, but I’ve been warming to the idea of a partner. I recently attended a big fancy event and the absence of such a person was very much in my face and not in a good way. Also I would like a partner for more than just a date at a big fancy event, I’m not a monster.
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Ready! Ready? November 12, 2019
So many big things on the horizon and so many trips to plan as a result! These are luxuries I appreciate; as problematic as they may occasionally be, the mental effort of planning it all is definitely worth it. Yesterday I made the travel reservations for SXSW and holy fuck it sent me into a tizzy. I got all goosebumped and weepy and had to repeatedly deep breathe through my feelings. It’s a crazy thing to dream of something and then get it but I AM FUCKING READY. I think.
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Change Is A-Comin,’ November 13, 2019
The Impeachment Hearings are happening right now so go watch them!! I’m phasing out the use of this space for personal updates and moving towards being 100% dedicated to the goings on of the interwebs so toodles. If you do want personal updates, listen to the podcast [QUICKIE] episodes where I share all the personal stuff in a bite-size audio-only way. Or, like, friend me or something? Email? Whatever people do? Do that.
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Key-What? November 14, 2019
About those Impeachment Hearings — they started and already one item of interest has emerged, independent of politics: WE ARE ALL SAYING ‘KIEV’ WRONG. I know, it blows my mind too. Here is a helpful primer in video tweet form.
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As Andre Shakti Says, “Sex Work Is God’s Work,” November 15, 2019
SESTA-FOSTA done fucked some shit up. That’s right bitches, each and every time you’re banned, censored, punished for you online content, that’s SESTA-FOSTA and that’s just the superficial impact. Real lives, incomes and well beings are put at risk every day by this legislation which is why a new resolution calling for the decriminalization of sex work by Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-MA) is so damn important. Read the full piece here, but in a nutshell it calls for:
“decriminalizing sex work by removing criminal and civil penalties related to consensual sex work and addressing structural inequities that impede the safety, dignity, and wellbeing of all individuals, especially those most vulnerable to discrimination on the basis of race, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, disability, socioeconomic status, and citizenship status.”
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Rodney Reed And… Kim K? November 16, 2019
I’ve been following the Rodney Reed story on various outlets and I was surprised to find that upon googling his name, the first items that come up are “Kim Kardashian + Rodney Reed…” — really? A man was set to be executed after a crap trial and a host of false shit and Kim Kardashian is the story? Anyway, regardless of her presence Rodney has been granted a stay of execution.
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Misogyny Live And Well, November 17, 2019
There’s a female Asian American comedian getting destroyed on Twitter right now for sharing that she shut down a show in her club that was being driven by the misogynistic humor of several comics. Here is the thread which is receiving significant attention — some positive but mostly negative — give it a read and you’ll get a taste of the vitriol regularly directed at women.
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Bimbo What? November 18, 2019
Perhaps you saw SNL this past Saturday, witnessing both the hosting prowess of Harry Styles and a certain sketch involving the Sara Lee food brand? If the answer is yes then it is surely no surprise that the real life Instagram account has been flooded with comments mimicking those in the sketch about a wildly inappropriate social media manager. But! That’s not all! The true news in this story is the passing mention, nay REVELATION, that Sara Lee is owned by Bimbo Bakeries. BIMBO BAKERIES. I can’t even. Anyway, watch the bit here if you are totally lost.
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#fartgate, November 19, 2019
Someone farted on a newscast. This is a real news story, a real trending item. I wish I was making it up but I’m not. Here is but ONE channel reporting on this but I assure you there are MANY. The denials abound but we all know the truth.
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Internet Retail Magic! November 20, 2019
So Jezebel has made a good case against #fartgate really being a fart, but in other more important internet news... Kim K’s shapewear line has restocked and Warby Parker is now selling contact lenses! Shoppers everywhere are rejoicing! Ok maybe only me. Anyway fuck you because I’m super excited for the bodysuit and body tape I just ordered and the contacts I will probably be ordering.
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Pissi For Everything! November 21, 2019
Yesterday was 2019’s Transgender Day Of Remembrance and also a Democratic Presidential Debate. I’m a day late to the mention so I’d thought I’d promote the highlight of political coverage these days, Pissi Myles. She is not just a breath of fresh air in her colorful ensembles, she is putting our Dem players on the spot and I love it. Pissi Myles as debate moderator please!
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Did I Really Want To Know? November 22, 2019
Ever be prepping for a night of karaoke magic, practicing your best Steve Perry and wondering, how high can I really sing? Well wonder no more! Apparently there is a browser game sweeping the interwebs and it will tell you all the things you’ve ever wanted to know — at least about the notes you are singing. Anyway! It is called Hit The High Notes so now you know and you should have at it.
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Hot Guys Banging, November 23, 2019
There is an amazing mashup on Twitter if hot guys fucking and other guys shredding on guitar that you must witness:
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A Fucking Icon, November 24, 2019
An 82-year old woman in Rochester successfully defended herself last night from a would-be burglar who had no idea he was breaking into the home of a bodybuilder. That’s right, Willie Murphy, grandmother and award-winning bodybuilder. As she describes in this news clip SHE BEAT HIM UP WITH A TABLE, amongst other things… but still, A FUCKING TABLE. She is my hero.
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Small And Streamlined Please, November 25, 2019
The Kinja Deals site is suggesting you buy this monstrosity while it’s on sale to get ahead of future travel plans. For those of you uninterested in clicking to the image I will describe it: blue velour, DOUBLE-stacked neck ring, i.e., gigantic. It appears that it has a little strappy thing to attach the pulling handle of your rolling suitcase but come on! Does anyone really need some stuffed megapillow while trying to navigate the hell of airports and security and tiny planes? No. You should buy this Trtl Neck Pillow instead cuz it’s basically flat and it works, I tried it. I may or may not have found out about from the same Kinja site referenced above.
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Who? November 26, 2019
Some much bullshit internet news, so little time. Some lady named Hannah Brown won Dancing With The Stars? And some face tattooed music person named Post Malone drunkenly dances to Shania Twain at the CMAs? At least I know who Shania Twain is. I’m not linking to the first two because they don’t exist to me.
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Shared Birthdays Of Famous Early Diers, November 27, 2019
Unsurprisingly there are a lot of upsetting stories in the news today: chemical plant explosion, dead koala, protests in France, Germany, Lebanon, Hong Kong… But there is also a detail about today that is more inter resting than upsetting; today is the birthday of both Bruce Lee and Jimi Hendrix. Yes they both died tragically early in life but whatevs they changed history man! And in a good way.
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Turkey Is Not The Best Way To Celebrate, November 28, 2019
It’s time for that annual holiday of overeating, giant balloon characters and ben driven crazy by loved ones. Enjoy this entertaining thread of awkward Thanksgiving shit happening on Twitter right now. Humor helps everything, best of luck.
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When The Punishment Does Not Fit The Crime, November 29, 2019
Two K-pop stars raped multiple unconscious women and received sentences of five and six years respectively… Appropriate? I think not. Read all about this bullshit here.
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Sweet New-Month Relief, November 30, 2019
Have you heard? November 2019 was an awful month and tomorrow it is all over... Between the political shenanigans, protests in multiple countries all over the world, repeated astrological retrograde and the emergence of the assholic behavior born at the start of every holiday season, this was a shitshow of unprecedented intensity. Go anywhere on the internet and see for yourself.