March 2020
Tom Steyer, March 1, 2020
Tom Steyer, the end. Could it be related to this unfortunate time captured for the interwebs? Wherein in Mr. Steyer is awkwardly shoulder dancing and side stepping like a toddler? Maybe! Anyway, another billionaire falls out and the world gives no fucks.
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RIP Taco Bell, March 2, 2020
Taco Bell serves a purpose. Is it quality food? Hardly, but even still, a bunch of Penn State students held a fucking candlelight vigil for a recently closed Taco Bell last night. For reals.
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Choco Taco Thoughts, March 3, 2020
I feel it necessary to distract myself from “Super Tuesday” events so I’m focusing on the Choco Taco. Apparently it is being slandered on Twitter and all I can think is, I’ve never had one! Also I don’t support Drumsticks being drawn into the drama.
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Employee Entrance Or Nothing! March 4, 2020
Oh Spike Lee, you are a firecracker! Arguably the biggest Knicks fan around, Mr. Lee has declared he won’t be attending any other games this season. And why? Because after 28 years of doing so, he is no longer allowed to use the employee entrance to Madison Square Garden. The drama!
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FREE Donuts, March 5, 2020
You know what’s better than politics and virus updates? Donuts! If you are a partaker of the confection, Dunkin’ Donuts is offering FREE DONUTS every Friday with the purchase of a drink for the entire month of March! DONUTSSSSSS.
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Big Head Goes Down, March 6, 2020
A truck has destroyed one of the Easter Island statues. At first I was like, “what fucknut was driving near the statues?!?!” and then I read on and discovered it was the result of brake failure on a nearby road but still...
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SXSW Fucks, March 7, 2020
SXSW has been cancelled and so with it goes dreams and oodles of non-refundable travel expenses. I’m heartbroken and broke. Possible virtual replacement presentation coming — stay tuned.
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March 8-9, 2020
Depression pause as I try to recoup value from my non-refundable trip to Austin for the now-canceled SXSW.
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Hygiene Be Damned! March 10, 2020
One might suspect with all the hygiene hysteria that patronage of strip clubs might be altered dramatically. Not so! At least according to this article from the NY Post. Lap dances proceed as usual! Safety be damned! I’m a bit stunned.
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I’m Distancing Myself Right Now, March 11, 2020
The NY Times is recommending “social distancing” as protection against the Coronavirus. Not a problem! There’s nothing I love better than avoidance, I mean isolation, I mean introversion, I mean, does anything get better than staying home alone?
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Distancing Hard Core As I Travel To Austin, March 12, 2020
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Still Funny? March 13, 2020
Social distancing, aka isolating, is great and all, but it does make for some interesting television. Especially in late night! I watched clips such as this one of Jimmy Fallon delivering his monologue, and another of Stephen Colbert doing his opening, and given that you can still hear the reactions of the staff, it’s basically the same thing right? Ok maybe not whatever go wash your hands!
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So Comforting, March 14, 2020
Boy am I confident in the current administration’s ability to protect us during the pandemic! Just look at Ben Carson coughing into his hand during a press conference! He’s a doctor.
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Happy Birthday Ms. Simone, March 15, 2020
Ah the satisfying exchange of hollow pleasantries and snappy retorts! Simone Biles gave us a beauty as USA Gymnastics tweeted her a happy birthday. Her reply is delightful, her request long overdue.
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March 16, 2020
Social distancing
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Prudent Food Reserve, March 17, 2020
It’s #coronapocalypse and all I can think is how I’m fully prepared to eat my roommate if shit gets dire. What’s (Who’s) your prudent food reserve?
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Butthole Cut?!? March 18, 2020
I have had zero interest in watching the Cats movie… until now! The Twitterverse has introduced the possibility that a “butthole” cut exists, wherein all the CGI cat buttholes that were created are visible in all their glory. The version that was released is of course butthole-free and thus holds zero appeal, but this butthole-filled version??? Show me now!
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NO SHIT, March 19, 2020
The Washington Post is reporting that VIPs are getting preferential treatment when it comes to getting tested for COVID-19. “I’m shocked!” says absolutely no one! My roommate and I are both under the weather; he from working in a bar with close contact to randos day in and day out, and me, from traveling back and forth from Cali to NYC, to Texas and back. Can we get tested? Not a chance! I’m moving to Taiwan after this.