Treat Yourself Right, November 1, 2018
I made a set of vision boards after I left my job; pics of women who are doing what I’d like to do, words as prompts, images of dream settings and states of being. One board has the phrase “Treat Yourself Right”, which I cut from one of a magazine. The boards were assembled with tape because it’s all I had, and that one piece is always refusing to lay flat, sticking out from the others. A reminder from universe?
Won’t Give In, November 2, 2018
Little things out of the blue send me into a tizzy. The other night I got a bank alert about my insurance premium going through and I panicked, my breath gone. The money to cover the expense is in my account and then some, but what about after? That’s all I could keep thinking over and over, so fully giving into fear despite knowing that will only do harm. I meditated, I prayed, it passed, but it does linger. May it ever motivate me to have faith and work harder.
My Electric Head, November 3, 2018
In between fear spikes, I have discovered that listening to White Zombie’s Astro-Creep: 2000 album makes me insanely motivated. I thought it might only be effective for typing hundreds of pages of decades-old poetry but no no, it’s an effective pick-me-up for all circumstances.
Clean Jeans Are tight jeans, November 4, 2018
Well I thought I was getting up at a very reasonable 10am but it’s actually 9am and now I have no excuse to do my laundry. Of course what this really means is that I’ll be stuffed like a sausage in my jeans for a bit until they stretch out with wear and funk again.
Canada? November 5, 2018
I’m experiencing regret about my decision to obtain health insurance post-job; it would appear all of the things that were included are not really included and what really is the point of any of this. Perhaps my un-dental-cleaned teeth have triggered an infection to my brain. No matter, I’m sure if my randomly assigned PCP refers me to a specialist and fills out the proper paperwork I just might survive.
Movin’ Fast Bitches, November 6, 2018
Last night I received my acceptance into the city’s FastTrac® program; I start next week!!! The program consists of 40 hours of small business startup training and I’m all aflutter just thinking about it. I am very much a nerd when it comes to taking classes so I’m psyched to be able to move from informal, independent research to structured guidance so I might finally begin feeling like I know what the hell I’m doing.
Voting, crying, standing, sleeping, November 7, 2018
Another set of votes cast, another batch of tears shed. Am I alone in my emotional response to the act of voting? I mean, it’s important shit! Ugh anyway. Been up since 6am and getting major shit done. I thank the hilly walk to my polling place and hour of standing in line to scan my entries, for the motivation to fall asleep earlier than usual.
Stop & Shop, why you screw me? November 8, 2018
I start to panic when I run out of coffee; I wind up purchasing my beloved Cafe Bustelo bricks 15 at a time. They are ALWAYS on sale, 2 for $5 at the local Stop & Shop. However, on my last trip they were not and I almost threw a fit. I had to settle for a temporary fix of 2 cans for $6 and it just screwed up my whole plan. That will barely get me to Thanksgiving! Now I have to plan a whole second trip, with the added hassle of checking out the circulars first, lest I be disappointed again.
universe, please give me good words, November 9, 2018
I’ve had a Post-it list of three people I need to email staring at my for two weeks now and I still haven’t done anything about it. Emails! Not phone calls… just emails. WTF is wrong with me? I can’t tell if it’s defiance against self or fear of no response or saying something stupid or feeling like I have nothing relevant to say or all of these things. Arghhhh.
Mandy Is Magic, November 10, 2018
Finally got my MoviePass to work last night; I used to rave about it to everyone and now I mostly curse it. Anyway! I saw Mandy at the IFC Center and it BLEW MY FUCKING MIND; I came out of the theater feeling as though I had just watched a wholly perfect film. I will be writing a review on it but I feel like I’ve been focusing too much on movies lately so I’ll wait a bit. You should go see it in the meantime!
Fresh Linen Magic, November 11, 2018
Changing my sheets makes me feel like a fucking hero. I’m here working in fresh linens, a cat at my feet, and feeling mighty fine about it. This is yet another thing I avoid for way too long so the payoff is amped up. I guess feeling icky for all those other weeks is worth it?
Off the grid is the place for me, November 12, 2018
Well I’m going off the grid for a couple of days… back on for a bit tomorrow night for the FastTrac® series but otherwise inaccessible. I can’t wait for the unplugging; the deep comfort of silence, the plush of isolation. To that end, tomorrow’s daily post will most likely be delayed a few hours, but I’ll be back on schedule Wednesday.
The salvation of starbucks wiFi, November 13, 2018
Temporarily back on the grid a bit earlier than expected; the combination of Sprint cell service and Google maps meant I went offline and subsequently got rerouted repeatedly. The experience left me extra paranoid and so I gave myself 5 hours to make a 2.5 hour drive. Now I am killing time at Starbucks before my first class. The off-the-grid cabin is pretty sweet though — heading back tonight.
Brianne had a great fall [day], November 14, 2018
I woke up to sunlight filtering through snow-dusted trees. I drove home in gentle breeze-driven leavefall. I returned my carshare and walked the last 12 blocks home in the brisk cold. It is a perfect November day.
Waking Up in the real world, November 15, 2018
Waking up to my big cat scratching and pounding at my door is not quite the same soothing experience as rolling over and gazing at snow-dusted trees. Still, it’s good to be home and in my own non-memory foam bed —which btw how do people sleep on those things?? Anyway, class 2 of my small business training tonight; way more homework than I anticipated but for the best. The busier I am, the more I get done.
The bug of busy, November 16, 2018
Business is a contagious disease and each coming week seems to catching the bug. 8:30am vet drop-offs, evening classes the same nights as morning meetings as afternoon classes, professional events right before coaching sessions and on and on ad infinitum. At the same time, each of my tech devices seem to be catching the slowdown. The scales always rebalance huh?
Already?! November 17, 2018
I’ve only just started worrying about Thanksgiving — has it snuck up on anyone else this year? Next week holy shit! This year I’ve decided to host at least one other person so my usual eat-entire-box-of-stuffing-and-pass-out-in-food-coma thing won’t be the only activity of the day which is good, healthier at least.
Brianne Timer, November 18, 2018
Sometimes I go to bed early and I pop up 4 hours later like a turkey timer. And sometimes I go to bed early and sleep for over 12 hours. Last night was one of those times; I clocked a little over 14 hours of shuteye. When I sleep for that long, I know that my body really needed it; despite the aches in my back, I am grateful for the rest.
Leggings > Assholes Online, November 19, 2018
I just realized my leggings are inside out. My lord! Here I was all irritated because of my crappy phone service not sending a text and the receipt of my first slut-/victim-shaming comment on Medium. But the leggings though, they are the real offender.
The Mysteries of assholes, November 20, 2018
Fun development: shortly after I responded to the victim-shaming asshole who commented on one of my essays on Medium, thanking him for proving my point, the comment was deleted! I don’t know whether to feel bad he’s such a coward or thankful he perhaps realized what a shit thing he said.
Oops! November 21, 2018
I totally forgot to write yesterday fuck! My schedule got the better of me and I’m sorry to you, reader, and to me, for breaking my daily streak :( Yes it is a holiday week but still… I might as well tell you now that it gets worse: the new stuff is getting published Friday instead of tomorrow because of the food coma I plan on having. I still love you.
It’s That Day, November 22, 2018
Happy National Food Coma Day dear reader! I’m prepping the star of my meal today, two ducks, as I hate turkey and it’s the worst fucking dish why are you eating it??? Anyway, I’m very grateful for all that I have, that someone, anyone, may be reading these words, and that I even have words or the capacity to share words or string words together. So a very wordy set of happy wishes for you.
This week, this month, November 23, 2018
Every day this week I’ve had to check my watch for the date, I’ve lost track of time and habits twice, I’ve had both too little and too much sleep. The haze of the holiday? The true prediction of my horoscope regarding the month of November? Who can ever say for sure.
swimmy Brain Soup, November 24, 2018
Is anyone else feeling out of sorts? It started Wednesday and it’s still here; I just feel wonky. Brain matter all swimmy and sense of self in a whir. Also I’m smoking more and that’s fucking with me. Have you read Outwitting the Devil? It was written by Napoleon Hill who also wrote Think Grow Rich. Anyway, my point is that the book mentions how smoking is a method of derailment employed by the dark side; it’s all very “woo woo,” forgive me, but it’s an honest fear right now.
Swooping into december, November 25, 2018
The holiday season either passes with excruciatingly slow days and stretches of darkness, cold and feelings or, it swoops in and carries me through with alarming swiftness and turbulent activity to the effect of not knowing which way is up. I believe last year was the former and this year most certainly the latter.
Shellfish smell never dies, November 26, 2018
When you have well-connected and/or especially talented friends, the hope is always that you may benefit from either or both of these things. Last night I, along with several friends, had such an opportunity — we have a chef in our midst. The feast was held in my home and lucky me, I got to hold onto the leftovers. Unfortunately, one of the dishes was bouillabaisse and a container of the extra fell out of my fridge and splattered all over the floor and under my counter. My entire kitchen still smells of shellfish despite endless bleach spraying and washing and wiping. Advice??
Leftover Lifespan, November 27, 2018
I read on Lifehacker that yesterday (Monday) was the last day to safely eat Thanksgiving leftovers; I scoffed and recommitted to freezing the whole gratin I have left and eating the remaining stuffing and gravy tomorrow maybe? Four days! I mean really — who actually follows this shit? Everyone knows the timeline is one week! A proper reheating cures all and that’s the end of the story.
Five more, November 28, 2018
Today I’m employing the “five more rule” because I feel stuck. Five more minutes editing, five more minutes doing administrative odds and ends, five more minutes cleaning, five more minutes telling myself positive things, five more minutes just trying… The spin has begun again, that feeling like my insides are on a wash cycle while the outside stands in a paralyzed panic.
Festivus is good for the spirit, November 29, 2018
Wowza I was fucking BUMMED yesterday, like deep deep in the cream cheese, struggling to even move. Eventually I wrote through it and then found myself looking at old Festivus wrestling videos from parties past. The matches cheered me up tremendously; there’s something so satisfying about physical battle, especially when done with good intentions.
I Stick My face in and smell, November 30, 2018
I witnessed the most delightful display last night — walking down Seventh Ave., I came upon a Christmas tree stand just in time to encounter a couple walking towards me, the woman suddenly breaking free from the handhold prison of coupledom and swooping up to embrace a large tree. She stuck her face right in the branches and inhaled deeply, the most content expression taking over her face muscles. I open-mouth smiled at this display; the man, who had been looking forward the whole time, seeing my expression change but with no notion of why, missed out on the joyful, tree-loving exuberance of his partner. I feel bad for him, I love her.