The Resignation, Part II

Perhaps I should have written this post before I announced my resignation at work; I am so calm, so relieved it's as if there is nothing of note to report. Except... I just took the biggest personal action of my life. 

As I mentioned earlier, I wrote my resignation letter Sunday, printed it Monday. Last week I had decided to bite bullet and turn it in today, January 31, 2018, a day which I had no idea would turn out to be some big-deal astronomical/astrological moon event. That little voice, the "center" whispered in my ear to do it at this exact time. Fortuitously, I have a standing one-on-one meeting with my boss every Wednesday so I was able to essentially slip in this mic drop without arousing any suspicion. 

Having shared my decision with every nearby human in possession of functional eardrums over the course of the past month, I have found myself on the receiving end of countless advice, warnings, encouragement, support, fear-mongering and love. One of the most useful bits was the recommendation to just have a conversation - to be honest, grateful, frank. I heeded this advice and I am happy to report it served me well.

All week I have been walking around with the letter in my notebook, ready at any moment, always there to glance upon and remind myself I AM ACTUALLY DOING THIS. As today began, encouragement poured in - my phone pinging every five minutes with kind words, emojis, YouTube videos like this and this. My breathing became erratic, my armpits a sweaty wreck. In the final 15 minutes before my scheduled meeting, I sequestered myself in the ladies room, began repeating the serenity prayer, verbally turned my life and will over to a higher power and then finally got on my knees and put my head and hands against the metal door of the stall. I prayed out load, eyes up and to the heavens, for the courage and strength to do what I knew had to be done. 

Announcing my arrival with a knock, I entered my boss' office, closed the door, took my seat. As rehearsed last night, I engaged in the usual small talk, took a deep breath, announced I had big news and then just said it: "I'm resigning". I didn't say it in anger. In that moment I didn't even say it in fear; I just said it in truth. The conversation that followed was heartfelt, honest and surprising. I shared about my future ideals and hopes, the uncertainty, the risk, the unknown and even shared a very personal explanation for the dramatic transformation of self I've undergone in the last few years. I trusted in myself and the universe so fully in those moments and it was beautiful. It was all so terribly heartfelt that both my boss and I actually teared up. To say the outcome of the meeting was surprising is an understatement.

When I started my commute this morning, I settled into my usual seat on the train, placed my headphones over my ears to play my "Yeah baby, new life!" Spotify list and pulled out the notebook in which I've been visualizing how these days would unfold. The second item on page 2: "I quit my job with dignity and grace and without fear." Today I did that.