"Must Have Thick Skin And Big Dick"

Yes, these things are really on my checklist. Do you check the boxes?

Yes, these things are really on my checklist. Do you check the boxes?

Dick size is non-negotiable for me; you’re either big enough, or you’re not, and I have no interest in those who are not. Superficial? Sure. Ignorant of the other, potentially positive qualities in a suitor? Absolutely not. A big cock may open the door, but good character and compatibility are what keep it open.

I’ve recently added, “thick skin” to my baseline must haves after discovering the challenges of dating while being transparent on the internet.

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Dating has never been something I’ve enjoyed. I have a long history of dating friends and people I know in daily life for this very reason. Mostly it stems from preferring to go into any romantic situation already knowing some truth about the person regarding how they really are: the flaws, the quirks, the everyday reality. There’s something that rings so false about internet dating if only for the reason that it eliminates the opportunity to witness a potential suitor in their natural habitat. I generally avoid looking for partners via the interwebs, but as a lady in sobriety who no longer frequents bars or really has much of a social nightlife outside of the occasional house-dancing excursion, sometimes I am weak and find myself agreeing to meet a total stranger in a well-lit public place.

I wouldn’t classify my current state as “weak,” but I have been dabbling in the online world again, though without apps which I think are the absolute fucking worst. No no, I’m talking about people I’m organically finding, or coming in contact with via channels like FetLife and the various platforms on which I have work. I would absolutely prefer to meet someone in real life, but regardless, I am making an effort at being open and available. I even made a vision list [and yes “big dick” is on it].

While the people I’m interacting with are inherently more compatible with my lifestyle and sexual interests than those I would find if I were on a formal dating site, it doesn’t change their discomfort with me blabbing about them on an episode of the sex podcast or in a very frank written piece. The feelings! The concerns! It not only makes my work difficult, it makes every interaction difficult. Well, every interaction after the act of sex…

When I first meet someone new, they’re all, “ooh I love that you’re so open and honest,” “your podcast is so sexy,” “wow you’re so out there and confident it’s great,” and then we fuck and that all changes. All of a sudden my openness and honesty is no longer fun and titillating, it’s suddenly terrifying.

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And I get it. I can imagine the pressure a guy must feel, given the information I put out there. His size, his performance — it’s all fair game as far as I’m concerned. This is why it’s better for everyone if guys only approach me if they possess both a big [working] dick and some thick skin. If these requirements are not met, it’s painful for both of us! I have to be true to my principles and project mission and share that you have a tiny wiener, or that you have erectile dysfunction, or worse, both, and then what? I feel awful and cruel, and you probably cry like a little baby after reading or listening to me share these details with the world. To be clear, I only divulge such things anonymously, but these guys know who they are; either the timing gives it away, or they recognize certain details of the encounter. The whole thing is deeply unpleasant for all parties and only leads to radio silence or pained comments and messages. Ugh.

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I met a gentleman off FetLife recently who wishes only to have platonic interactions: open and frank discussions about all things sex as we dine on his dime. Our last conversation drifted to relationships and he shared a belief that women who have high sex drives are negatively being driven by their cunt when choosing a mate; their sexual preferences and desires taking precedence over practical concerns like someone’s ability to take care of themselves and others financially. As a woman with a high sex drive, I will concede that yes, my cunt is certainly dictating specific terms, but not the only terms. Again, the big dick may gain entry, but it doesn’t guarantee anything beyond that.

I have backburnered my sexual requirements before and it has never gone well. Based on past experiences, I would estimate about two weeks, one month tops, that I would be able to stand having physical relations with a man who was inadequately endowed no matter how wonderful his character, strong the chemistry or robust the bank account. And I certainly could never marry anyone who didn’t meet my size standard — my God! Just the thought of making a lifelong commitment to someone who could never FUCK me the way I want to be fucked — why would anyone do that to themselves???

To me, penile shortcomings [literally] lead to settling and making concessions that I don’t think have any place in a healthy relationship. I have the same feelings towards things like “topics that can’t be discussed” or “people we can never associate with” or “places we can never go.” I believe that the right partner, my best match, will be someone with whom everything is open and available; a relationship without limitations.

And so this is why my standards are what they are. They create a foundation from which an ideal partnering can be born because the immutable basics are already in place.

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