Am I Squirting?

The Mysteries and Allure Of Female Ejaculation

AM-I-SQUIRTING-1200.jpg

About a year ago a girlfriend of mine shared with me that she had squirted. For those of you living under a rock, she was referring to an orgasm. I was of course immediately interested and also totally jealous. How did she know, what did it look like, how did it happen? Her answers: a puddle on the bed after she came, watery fluid, missionary position — nothing close to what I was expecting. I was prepared for an exciting tale of cum shooting out of her vagina; I was understandably disappointed.

The conversation made me curious. When I got home later that night, I began researching female ejaculation on the internet, as one does when they are looking for answers. A rabbit hole of videos and articles later I came to realize that my expectations were but one category in a whole spectrum of ejaculate possibilities — who the fuck knew? 

According to Thrillist, squirting is not necessarily related to orgasms and the fluid definitely comes from the bladder. According to Intimate Power, there are three different kinds of female ejaculation, each with their own fluid type and origin, each related to orgasms. According to the glut of squirting porn on the internet, it is the greatest thing in the world and the absolute highest level of orgasm a woman can have.

While there is much disagreement about the physical source of any and all possible fluids to come out of a lady during sex, there is consensus in most articles about the types of fluids, each differing in color, viscosity and taste. They range from clear and watery to thick and milky; sometimes sweet, possibly sharp and pungent. Combine these possibilities with the range of expulsion effects — the geysers, the streams, the dribbles — and it is no wonder the subject is both confusing and fraught with dissenting opinions. 

As fascinating and trendy as this topic is, all this attention and speculation regarding a single facet of the female orgasm is absurd; after all no one appears to be analyzing the male orgasm in such a way. Not only is this difference in attention ridiculous, it also adds to the overwhelming insecurity most women already experience about sex. It's no longer just about how our bodies look or how much pubic hair we have or if we even enjoy sex — now we're being compared to the cum shooters all over the web. And this comparison prompts us to ask ourselves questions like: is my non-squirting orgasm good enough, if I've never gushed am I just a boring old vanilla lay, will my partner ever be satisfied if I can't squirt? It's bonkers! Whatever happened to enjoying pleasure for the sake of pleasure without such examination? 

Aside from the type of man who cums without ejaculating, I have never heard anyone give a single fuck about how a man ejaculates. Ok, for research purposes I just looked up "types of male ejaculation" and Google didn't even autofill the question which tells me nobody on the internet really cares. There are articles about different types of male orgasms but that's not really the same thing. If you are a man reading this and you have experienced insecurity or anxiety about your ejaculation, PLEASE write me; I would love nothing more than to learn that any man is in fact as insecure or perplexed about their orgasm as I am about mine, or as many women are about theirs. Also, to clarify, men who cum without ejaculating are discussed and often. Am I being hypocritical? Probably, but come on it's weird and um, "anti-climactic".

Internet imagery and lore aside, this topic has very personal implications. I've been fucking for years, orgasming left and right, and I've always assumed that because I've never experienced a geyser or stream of fluid, then I was not an ejaculator. But maybe I've been wrong? With all this new information, I started looking deeper at my sexual experiences. For instance, I produce a ton of fluid when I'm having sex, maybe this is a stream? When I masturbate and have a particularly intense orgasm, there is thick milky fluid on my dildo, maybe this is cervical ejaculate? Again for research purposes, I tasted the thick milky dildo fluid and it falls on the sweet side which is in line with what's described as cervical ejaculate on Intimate Power. So have I been "squirting" all along? In the sense that "squirting" seems to be the world's shorthand for female ejaculation? And does it even fucking matter?

I want so badly to say no, it doesn't matter. But then I see a clip of a woman with a waterfall coming out of her vagina as I search for masturbation material on PornHub. Or I sleep with a guy and he asks me if I squirt before I've even had a chance to cum. Fuck you world.