Journey Of A Sex Podcast, I
The Adventure Begins
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash, text by Brianne McGuire
Last week I detailed the intentions and plans for a new podcast I’m working on — basically that a willing participant would be coming over Sunday to record three episodes documenting us having sex for the first time. Shocker of shockers, the guy chickened out. We have rescheduled but I’m skeptical and irritated. Add to that, events will need to take place at his house or somewhere neutral because of a cat allergy. Sigh…
In light of these recent complications, I’ve doubled down on my efforts to recruit other volunteers. This may take a while and I have no idea what will happen, so I decided to document the search and behind-the-scenes work with a new diary series, this post being the introduction. Welcome to the first installment of: JOURNEY OF A SEX PODCAST.
***
Sunday, January 13, 2019
It’s 1:09pm and I get a text from the scheduled participant, I’ll call him #55: “Hey Brianne, I’m feeling under the weather today and not up to performing tonight.” Motherfucker is supposed to be coming over at 9pm to do the deed. Well, first sit in my studio and do a pre-deed interview to talk about how we are going to do the deed, and then the deed, and then another interview to talk about how we did the deed and thoughts? I bought a tiny digital recorder, attached a homemade twine lanyard, and hung it from my ceiling light in preparation. I even cleaned up. And now? I’m fucking pissed. I’m just going to post screenshots of the text exchange below rather than transcribing the whole thing but the gist is: “Are you fucking kidding me is it nerves, kind of yes, but we’ll be pioneers, but I’m scared, but you’ll be getting laid, I’m still scared waahhh, ugh, reschedule? reschedule? ok, allergic to cats, new location needed, ugh.”
Click below to cycle through text exchange at full size…
I’ve been discussing this adventure with my friend group, we call ourselves “the panel,” and they all seem surprised that finding a guy to participate in this adventure is any kind of struggle. I have repeatedly assured them that the recording part is a big hang up for a lot of guys and they’re all, yeah right and now here it is, the proof.
Anyway, I recognize that I am at a turning point. I can either use this as an excuse to give up, believing that this is God punishing me for my heathen ideas, OR I can double down and push through. I have a flashback to 2007 or so when I was in a car accident and broke my collarbone; the injury incapacitated me and halted the completion of the very first crowdsourced sex idea I ever worked to produce: ArtPorn. Allow me to explain…
For months I had been connecting with strangers through Craigslist and MySpace, gathering volunteers and submissions; everything from erotic artists to creepy Polaroid takers and a whole mess in between. The contributions collected would be laid out by me to make up an underground publication that I would then hand-modify before selling (i.e., I would write and draw on the final pages). Production and distribution would be limited, both in person and online.
My car accident happened on a Friday; production was set to run the following week but it never happened. It’s worth noting that the work submitted was less than ideal and nowhere near the filth dump I was hoping for, but it was something. That first issue was going to be real rough — scant content, small page count, questionable design choices — but a start nonetheless. And then I fucking gave up.
I sat at my mother’s house with a sling, bemoaning my luck, battling incredible pain and a full-body wave of depression and defeat unlike anything I’d ever felt. The Friday of the accident happened to be Good Friday and I recalled how I had gotten my first period on Easter Sunday years ago and this was all clearly the hand of God. I have never been a religious person, but somehow I’ve managed to attribute a great number of things to the hand of God throughout my life. The point of all this backstory is to say that as I am sitting on the couch, flashing back to this prior failure and mulling over next steps now that my recording plan has gone to shit, I remember that Craigslist still exists.
I pull out my laptop and immediately write up two posts: one looking for podcast volunteers [specifically willing to supply audio recordings of sexual activity] and another requesting tales of sexual disappointment so I can do a “dick review” follow up. Actually one of my uncles has volunteered to be a source for a “pussy review” but I want to have some options.
Hours later I meet with the panel. I tell the most outspoken of the group what has happened and he offers up that this is an indication that the guy “just isn’t into me.” This would be a fair assessment if the guy hadn’t been trying to arrange casual sex with me for the entire time I’ve known him but whatever. I give up trying to convince him, mention I’ve posted some feelers on Craigslist and let it go.
***
Monday, January 14, 2019
I have zero replies from my Craigslist posts. In the past, any time I’ve posted ANY THING on Craigslist, there have always been a dozen whackos that reply immediately. What the actual fuck?
Still amped up from yesterday’s double-down and determined not to be derailed on a sex project ever again, I mentally revisit the other candidates I’ve previously considered, both exes. Actually, one of the two is the inspiration for this project given how incredibly loud, vocal and filthy he was; things got a little emotional at the end so I’ve been hesitant to open up that can of worms. But now, I am filled with piss and vinegar and ready to call him up and be like, “hey you wanna come over and fuck for a recording 4 hours from now?”
I will call him but not now. I’m actually going through some pretty heavy feelings given the events of Saturday morning. Things hadn’t quite hit me till last night and now I’m somewhat cautious about immediately diving into another sexcapade. Nevertheless, I mentally commit to getting over my apprehension and moving forward soon.
It’s nighttime again and still no replies. I see the panel and mention my woes to outspoken guy. He immediately replies, “FetLife.” “What the fuck is FetLife?” “Just look it up.”
I get home very late and look up FetLife; it’s a fetish community/social media thing. I sign up and make a profile but now what? They don’t have a forum or community board but they have groups and events… I feel like I need some guidance from outspoken guy so I call it a night.
***
Tuesday, January 15, 2019
I’m dealing with practical and emotional aftermath of Saturday morning and make no progress. In no mood to do anything.
***
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
I realize I’m acting a fool to wait for guidance from outspoken guy so I log into FetLife. I join two groups: Classifieds, and Podcasts and Podcasting. I post my request for volunteers in both.
I decide to check on my Craigslist posts and discover that the podcast request expired and the other was flagged for “inappropriate content.” Craigslist really isn’t what it used to be. I repost the podcast request.
By 10pm I have two messages from FetLifers! One asks what topics I’m interested in for interviews and would cuckholding/submission be one of them? I reply “Fuck yes” and wait for another response. The second message is from someone in England asking what the purpose of the recordings is; I explain my curiosity and interest and willingness to supply my own intimate moments. Hours later he replies back describing two scenarios he’d be willing to record and asks my opinion on which would work best. PROGRESS.
I check my inbox again and see a notice from Craigslist: my podcast request has been removed after being flagged for inappropriate content.
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