Abortion Rights

Abortion has been legal as long as I’ve been a sex-having adult and the very real possibility that this may soon no longer be the case terrifies me on behalf of every American woman.

I had an abortion at the age of 19; years later when I lived with the father of that pregnancy, he would beat the shit out of me when he’d get drunk and angry. How fucking grateful I am to not have brought a child into that situation, to have the right to choose my future, to not carry to term, to finish college instead. And even if every circumstance had been perfect for having a baby, IT WAS MY FUCKING CHOICE TO MAKE AND I MADE IT.

It is SO EASY to take what we have for granted, even with all the things that have already been taken away bit by bit. When will it be enough for you to do something?

This topic is worthy of a much longer piece which I’ve already started; however, I did not anticipate just how upsetting this topic would be to revisit given the current political environment. I feel panicked and weepy and I’m grasping for actions.

So many horrific things have already come to pass as normal under this administration and this is not the first time I’ve been outraged it’s just the most personal. If I could take monumental action on behalf of every cause that broke my heart I would but so often the sheer amount of awfulness is overwhelming and I feel paralyzed. At this particular moment I am not.




Fuck You Blanche

Well thank God Verizon finally switched stupid people subjects to someone OTHER than “Blanche.” Have you seen “Blanche’s” commercial? First of all, she apparently pronounces it “Blaaaahhnche,” which we learn from the announcer and is so very gag-me-with-a-fucking-spoon I want to stab my eye out every time I hear it. And then! We learn that she is SO EXCITED about Apple Music which c’mon! Nobody likes Apple Music! Oh! Oh! And — very important detail here — “Blahhhhhnnnnnche” is from the rave era but loves hip hop. Thank you I can die now.

A Maître D' At A Diner???

To any diner that actually has a maître d': GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF. Seriously. I’m talking about you, Kellogg’s Diner in hipsterburg and Coppelia in Chelsea. I’m sure there are others but those are the two I have personally experienced and towards which my wrath is directed. Maybe this is just an NYC phenomenon? Who knows, but I imagine LA faces a similar problem. Have you encountered this situation? Just trying to get some super-casual late-night eats and getting corralled in the entrance while some snotty douche checks on the availability of a table in a visibly empty restaurant? I can’t even.

Hulu Original Series

Ramy and Shrill are amazing and I haven’t started PEN15 yet but that also looks bitchin. It feels like Hulu came out of nowhere with this incredible original content. For so long I was hating on them, the interface clunky and completely unintuitive, the limitations on the availability of current seasons and episodes, the price… These things still irritate me but when they throw in these hella awesome new shows it’s hard to stay mad. Though! Why Shrill was essentially a half season I don’t know cuz that shit was fantastic and most certainly deserved more episodes so WTF. Anyway, back to the aforementioned Ramy, a fucking emotional journey of a show! LOVED. Plus I always dig when the star is so involved in the creation and writing and direction of the show, as Ramy Youssef is. On a purely selfish level, it makes me feel like I’m really seeing into a person’s heart and mind so that’s great. And I really felt like that with this show; Ramy is heartfelt and honest and also inspired deep nostalgia for all the cities I’ve visited in the Middle East so far. But I digress, the point is Hulu is doing some good shit right now and you should be paying attention.

Reformation Dress

Damn you super-cute Reformation dress that I bought and can never wear without purchasing some crazy undergarment-shaping-bodysuit-contraption for way too much money. DAMN YOU. There you were, black, stretchy, below-the-knee, adorable neckline; flirting with me from your home on the interwebs. Now here you are, hanging lonely and unworn, in my closet, out of sight but not often out of mind. Every once in a while I pick you up, stroke your soft fabric, disrobe and give you one more shot… And again you fuck me. Your soft and stretchy jersey highlighting every bulge. Your neckline just low enough to make nearly any type of support garment immediately detectable. Yes yes, I can imagine scenarios where I wear you only within the privacy of my own home, perhaps for some lucky visitor, because of course I can’t wear a bra — probably not even underwear, certainly not my preferred Spanx to eliminate the chafing between my thighs. But is that really the best I can hope for? DAMN YOU.

Wage Gap & Dating

I have a lot of thoughts about dating and most of them are not good. A subject that comes up frequently, aside from the usual looks-job-experience bullshit, is WHO PAYS? For this train of thought I will stick with the M/F pairing as this is what I have experience with and thus is really the only pairing I have any right to discuss. And my thoughts are this: yes it’s all well and good for men and women to be fair and equal but that shit is just theory. We are in fact not equal HELLO GENDER WAGE GAP. The fact that historically women have, and continue, to underearn men by a varied margin across race, is reason enough for any working man to foot the fucking bill when dating a woman, no matter her employment status.

A Tale Of Two Lids

I have cats; I buy kitty litter. Also I live in NYC so I don’t own a car and get everything delivered to my door via the interwebs to save myself from back-breaking trips on the subway. Tidy Cats is my litter of choice and I get gigantic containers delivered through a subscription with Target; sometimes the 35-pound [the best deal] arrives with a flat, single-piece lid, and sometimes with a partitioned living hinge in the top. It goes back and forth every time I get the delivery so I have no idea if I’m getting an old batch or if Tidy Cats is just fucking with its customers for shits and giggles by changing it back and forth. The point is this: the living hinge top is the bomb — it’s just so useful! Ba bam! Just flip it up and get new litter! With the other one it’s a whole production getting that thick plastic lid off the top and sometimes I break a nail. And I don’t even care about that shit. Except when it happens doing something stupid like wrestling with a lid that I shouldn’t be wrestling with in the first place because there is clearly a better option available! Yeah so I don’t know if my issue is with Target or Tidy Cats because this is an inventory issue but still, Tidy Cats: you should really stop doing anything but living hinge lids.